


Wolverine is a Horse

by choux



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:38:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4957072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choux/pseuds/choux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But what if Wolverine was a horse?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wolverine is a Horse

“I'm sorry if I sound like a gushing fan, but I'm so excited to finally join the X-Men!”  
“It's okay,” chuckled Jubilee “we were all starry-eyed newbies like you once, Vanessa.”  
“Can you call me Boltstar? I've always wanted that to be my call sign.” Vanessa blurted out.  
“Sure thing Boltstar.” Jubilee paused to let her magnanimity sink in. “And this brings us to the end of the tour of the mansion. This is your new cafeteria.”  
Bolststar gazed around in awe at all the famous mutants she was in the presence of. Colussus, Beast, Emma Frost (her personal favourite) and...  
“What's with the horse?” Boltstar asked.  
A few nearby tables hesitated, before pretending that they weren't still eavesdropping. Sure enough there was a stocky chestnut gelding in the far corner of the cafeteria. It looked to be attempting to eat a fried chicken drumstick. Also it was wearing an X-Men uniform and smoking a cigar.  
Jubilee dropped her voice to a hushed whisper “That's Wolverine.” she said as plain as day.  
“Why's he a horse?” pressed Boltstar, clearly not reading the room.  
“That's it!” shouted the horse. Wolverine stomped over to them. Clippity clop, clippity clop.  
“Shit,” Jubliee whispered, “stupid super-hearing” and stepped out of Wolverine's way, leaving Boltstar by herself.  
“You got a problem with me, kid? Yeah I'm a horse, what's it to ya? You think you're better than me cause you walk upright? I've been in the X-Men business since you were a glint in your father's eye. How many times have you saved the entire fucking planet? Cause I've saved it this many times:” here Wolverine stomped his front right hoof against the cafeteria linoleum a dozen or so times. “I'm the baddest horse there is and I'm bloody great at what I do.”  
The silence rushed in to hear Boltstar's response.  
“Can I ride you?”  
Wolverine whinnied in anger. He rose up on his hind legs and pointed a front leg at her. Three thin razor-sharp claws extended from his hoof. He hesitated for a second, before using his clawed hoof to slice off edge of the nearest table. A piece of pressboard clattered to the floor and startled Wolverine.  
Jubliee rushed to his side and patted his neck.  
“There, there. It's just the table you sliced. It's not going to hurt you.” She gestured at a nearby b-lister mutant, Cypher maybe, to get the offending inanimate object out of Wolervine's sight.  
Once Jubliee got Wolverine calmed down she led him out of the cafeteria, followed by everyone else.  
Vanessa felt like she had just lost the opportunity of a life time. Scott Summers came up beside her and put his steady, boring, hand on her shoulder.  
“I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go from the X-Men. Would you like a lift to the front gate?” and then he transformed into a racecar.  
Fin


End file.
